There is a word that holds magic under it’s wings. It isn’t please or thank you, although those two words are so very valuable. The word we overlook, forget, and don’t listen to when told to us, is the sweetest word in the world to people.
So we must be careful not to have our way with it…and take liberties with it…that we have no business taking.
So here are a few SHORT guidelines to honoring others by using their name the right way.
We should never shorten or make a nickname out of someone’s name. The reason we usually throw a nickname on someone is that we hope it will endear us to them, give them a special feeling – a closeness that maybe others don’t have with them. Nicknames rarely work and most people don’t care for them. As much as I preach and teach this truth, I am guilty of doing this myself. I did this with a person who was an educator at my child’s school. The first time I used the nickname it was funny but every time I used it after her jaw would clinch and slide slightly to the left. Even so, I continued with that nickname. It felt kind of like pressing for an elevator when you know it’s already passed your floor. She finally told me she didn’t care for it and I thought to myself – knucklehead!!! – you know better. So nicknames are out for me. I will continue to listen closely when someone shares their name and use it, even if it has 13 syllables.
Never say “I forgot your name.” Because none of us wakes up in the morning with the the thought – Whew! I sure hope I am forgotten today. Listen when someone shares their name.
Never say “I can’t remember your name.” We all want to be memorable, so listen when someone shares their name. It is gift to the person, a treasure a person carries with them from birth to death so treat it with honor, value and respect.
Name Game: 9 Simple tips for how to remember names
In my hmmm hmmm years of living on this earth, I have never met one living soul that didn’t like to hear their name.
If you want to impress someone, bypass the diatribes about your oxford degree, surviving 30 days at sea on a raft made of shark skin, or how you won that contest in college eating the most hotdogs. Make an instant impact, the fastest and simplest way, by remembering and voicing their name.
But….what if you can’t remember the name of the person you’re speaking with?
Whatever you do, never say “I forgot your name,” or “I can’t remember your name.” Those kinds of statements will just make the other person feel unimportant, and forgotten.
Instead, say something like, “Your name is right on the tip of my tongue,” or “It’s been such a long day, could you tell me your name again?”
Of course, you’ll make an even better impression if you can remember the person’s name in the first place. Try these 9 simple techniques to help remember names:
Listen. Really listen when someone is telling you his or her name. Sometimes instead of listening, we’re thinking about what to say next. Don’t do this. Listen to the person’s name and say it out loud as soon as possible, “It’s so nice to meet you, Tammy.”
Repeat. After meeting someone new, say the person’s name a few times to imprint it in your memory. Use it while speaking to the person, but not so frequently that it feels awkward.
Nickname. Give the person a nickname that helps you remember them (Tall Tammy, for example). If you use this technique, make sure you don’t say the nickname out loud, keep it to yourself!
Write it down. Write down names and identifying information (or enter them in your Blackberry, iPhone, iPad, etc.). After you meet someone and go your separate ways, write down the person’s name, where you met them, and something that will remind you of what you discussed. This is especially helpful at networking events.
Spell it. If a person has an unusual name or the name has more than one spelling, ask them how they spell it. If a name is generally spelled only one way, like Robert or David, you could ask if they prefer Bob or Dave. Always ask before shorting another person’s name. Don’t assign them a nickname.
Become an artist. When someone tells you their name, spell it a few times (to yourself of course.) Picture it written out as you spell it. Or pretend that you are painting their name across the sky or drawing it on their forehead in black sharpie-for a visual reminder.
Change focus. Sometimes we forget someone’s name because we are feeling socially self-conscious. Our focus is on whether we look, speak, or are acting in an acceptable manner. Turn your focus to the other person and on putting them at ease, then it will be much easier to recall their name.
Reintroduce yourself. If you see someone you haven’t seen in a long time, reintroduce yourself. This may prompt them to tell you their name as well.
You’re brilliant! When someone remembers your name and you just cannot remember theirs, you can say, “Wow, you have an amazing memory! Sometimes I can’t even remember my own kid’s names.” They will most likely enjoy your compliment and sense of humor.
If you have trouble remembering names, use these simple tricks to help names stick. Use them to make a bigger impact by calling others by name and making others feel as special as they are!
Re-gifting – something we once kept secret has now become a way of life. Some people have no qualms about re-gifting (me included), while others say they would never (but I think they secretly do). If you receive two of the same item, you could keep one and share the other with someone who would absolutely love it. You may have been given something that you cannot use, but you know someone who can. There are many reasons you may choose to re-gift a gift, but there is an art to doing it with tact and finesse.
Following are some helpful hints.
Remember who initially gave you the gift. – It can be embarrassing or insulting to give a gift back to the person who first presented it to you, especially if they call you on it. If you have a stash of re-gift items, be sure to write in a log who gave it to you.
Rewrap and add a new gift tag. – Look the item over carefully and make sure any old gift tags are removed. Then put a little effort into making it look as if you have put some thought into the gift by rewrapping it or placing it in a new gift bag with a new gift tag.
Don’t give used items. – It’s okay to give away hand-me-downs, but not as a gift. Gifts should be new and unused and not just something you don’t want, but something you believe the recipient will enjoy. Also, make sure you don’t give a partially used gift card…that’s the equivalent of giving someone a slice of pie with a bite taken out of it.
Avoid re-gifting in the same social circles. – If you receive a gift from a co-worker, make sure you don’t re-gift that item to another co-worker. It would be best to re-gift to a friend or family member that you don’t work with to avoid any awkward moments.
You may want to sell your gifts on eBay. – If you’re not comfortable with the idea of re-gifting, you could always sell your gifts on eBay and then use that money to buy real gifts for others.
Finding just the right person to give your “re-gift” to, can be just as much fun as shopping for the perfect item at the store. Be thoughtful in who you choose to give it to and make sure it is presented tastefully. Don’t hang onto re-gifts for several years, allowing them to become outdated. You can always donate the items that you can’t find a home for.
Wishing you much happiness and success!
Patricia Rossi, America’s Etiquette and Protocol Coach, www.patriciarossi.com
LinkedIn is a social network used by many professionals. In fact, it has become a must-join site for any professional who wants to keep up with current technology. Therefore, it is important to create a strong profile on your LinkedIn account and maintain proper social networking etiquette to maximize your overall online identity. The goal is to share your accomplishments and aspirations with your circle of like-minded friends and acquaintances and then ask them to share your profile with their friends and acquaintances.
Here are ten do’s and don’ts for maintaining proper LinkedIn etiquette.
Do use LinkedIn to connect with like-minded businesses. – Start by connecting with people who you have previously done business with and professionals in the same industry as your own.
Do create an engaging profile. – Keep in mind this is like an online resume. Use your profile to highlight specific accomplishments that you are most proud of.
Do choose a professional looking and current profile picture. – Using an old picture when you were 10 years younger and 20 lbs lighter may prompt some awkward looks when you meet face-to-face for an interview or network event. Paying a photographer to take professional pictures of you may be worth the expense since your profile picture is the first thing people notice on your LinkedIn page.
Do use your status updates to congratulate others. – This is considered doing “small goods”. It is a good rule of thumb to congratulate others on their success just as much or more than you promote your own.
Do write recommendations for people that ask you to (if you find them credible). – You can honor them by saying how they have impacted you personally or professionally. This is a way of showing your appreciation in written form for others to see.
Do not expect LinkedIn to transform your business. – Keep in mind that networking is a two way street. If you would like someone to recommend your work, it’s important to maintain a personal connection with them through phone calls and personal meetings. LinkedIn is more of an online marketing tool than a guaranteed sales generator.
Do not post a summary in the third person. – You don’t want it to sound as if you are being introduced by the Queen of England. Your goal is to build relationships, so write a first person narrative as if you are having a conversation with someone. Make it interesting and check your grammar and spelling.
Do not add status updates that lead people to a product. – That would be synonymous with driving your car into a networking event – and announcing when you exit the vehicle – “Who wants to buy this amazing car?”
Do not automatically link your Twitter account to your LinkedIn profile – especially if you are a frequent tweeter. Status updates on LinkedIn should be professional and positive information about your life. They should include business events you have attended and projects you are working on. Blurbs about your wild and wacky weekend plans or recent disappointment in who got eliminated on The X Factor are not LinkedIn material.
Do not post false or misleading information or work experience. – Although you want to look your best in your profile, sharing false information will make you less credible in the eyes of individuals who know or find out your information is bogus.
Following these simple guidelines when using LinkedIn will help you fearlessly navigate the waters of this professional social network and use it to your greatest advantage.
Wishing you much happiness and success!
Patricia Rossi, America’s Business Etiquette and Protocol Coach, www.patriciarossi.com
5 Easy Steps to Feeling Comfortable in Social Situations
Interacting with people you hardly know, or don’t know at all, can make anyone feel anxious and insecure. Most would like to overcome social timidity that prevents them from completely enjoying themselves at social engagements. This can be accomplished quite simply by following these five simple steps.
Believe in yourself. –You have a 50/50 choice. You can embrace who you are or wrestle with who you are. Other people are wrestling with the same thoughts we are about ourselves. So choose the positive choice of thinking about the good qualities and attributes you have to offer up in a social situation. Just take one social situation at a time, and forge ahead with good thoughts and expectations of interacting with ease and grace. It’s important to be comfortable with who you are. When you feel good about yourself, you find it more enjoyable to be around others. Furthermore, when you experience self-assurance, you’ll like sharing your thoughts and add value to conversations.
Practice. – There are numerous circumstances in day to day living that offer opportunities to practice social skills. Make it a point to strike up a conversation with the people we encounter on an everyday basis~ at the grocery store, doctor’s office, sporting events, etc. You’ll soon find that social interaction with unfamiliar people becomes easier the more you put it into practice.
Focus on others. – The easiest way to make conversation with someone is to ask them general questions about their life and keep them talking until you find common ground. A simple place to start is by commenting on something you observe about them, i.e. Are you a Yankee, Yorkie, Yo Yo Fan? or “I love your shoes. Where did you buy them?” Then, allow the conversation to take a natural course. All you have to do is be willing to get the dialog started.
Relax. – Forget about the “what ifs” that may never come to fruition, like “What if the conversation ends after one question?” That’s okay. Perhaps the next social encounter will last longer and so on. Set goals for yourself and then make it a point to achieve them. Choose to make one new friend or several, speak to someone new at work or engage in a group conversation. Most important, be true to yourself. Let people get to know the real you.
Be honest. - Never pretend to know more than you actually do. Be straightforward and ask for an explanation if someone is talking about something you are unfamiliar with. They won’t think you foolish; they will respect you more for you honesty.
It’s normal to experience social anxiety if you’re at an event where you know few people. But now you have a few tools to overcome and discover your inner confidence so you can experience life to its fullest potential.
Wishing you much happiness and success!
Patricia Rossi, America’s Etiquette and Protocol Coach, www.patriciarossi.com
There is a word that holds magic under it’s wings. It isn’t please or thank you, although those two words are so very valuable. The word we overlook, forget, and don’t listen to when told to us, is the sweetest word in the world to people.
