New babies bring joy to everyone involved! Couples become parents, their brothers and sisters become aunts and uncles, family friends become godmothers and godfathers, and cousins get even more cousins. In all the excitement of pregnancy announcements, baby showers, home visits and baptisms, it’s easy to forget (or just not realize) a few etiquette rules. For the new and expecting mothers in your life, here’s a guide on what not to say, and what you should say instead.

What Not to Say

When are you going to have kids? This question is uncomfortable at best, and devastating at worst, as being childless isn’t a choice in all situations. As couples tend not to discuss fertility issues or miscarriages outside the relationship, err on the side of caution and avoid this question completely.

Are you trying? Most women find this to be a very personal question. Unless the woman is your sister or your best friend, don’t ask.

Was it planned? Admitting that a pregnancy wasn’t planned can be embarrassing. Should a friend or family member’s pregnancy be a surprise to you, focus on being happy that they’re happy without asking for all the details.

You can’t eat (fill in the blank): As there are hundreds of books published on what pregnant women should or shouldn’t eat, assume she has done her research and has spoken to her doctor about her diet.

My labor lasted 36 hours: The last thing she wants to hear is your labor horror stories. She’s already aware (and probably a little worried) about all of the things that can go wrong. Keep the downsides of pregnancy to yourself.

You’re birthing how?! Whether she’s having a natural home birth, or she’s receiving an epidural, there’s a reason she’s made that decision. Respect her wishes by not sharing your opinion.

Just wait until the baby is here. There won’t be any more… Expecting parents are already well aware that there won’t be any more quietly reading the New York Times on Saturday mornings, surprise weekend getaways, or late night meals out with friends. Reminding them is likely to only get on their nerves.

How can you afford this? Other people’s financial situations are not your business. Keep these thoughts to yourself.

Are you done yet? / Only one? Some parents love the idea of large families, while others would prefer (or may only be able) to have one kid. Commenting on the number of children a couple chooses to have can seem judgmental.

Wouldn’t you rather have a boy/girl? Moms just want healthy babies.

You’re still so tiny! / You’re so big! While you may think you’re giving a compliment, telling a pregnant woman she’s tiny or big can imply that either she or the baby are unhealthy.

Are you sure you’re not having two? She probably gets this all the time, and yes, she’s sure.

But you have to breastfeed. The decision to breastfeed is a personal choice and should be respected regardless of your personal beliefs.

Well I did (fill in the blank) and my kid is fine. As scientific studies continue to prove and disprove theories on what makes a healthy pregnancy and happy childhood, moms will continue to try new things. Respect her wishes.

I don’t like kids. I enjoy life too much. But congrats! Don’t be a pregnancy party pooper. Just say congrats.

What to Say Instead

You’re glowing!

You look great!

You’re all baby!

Pregnancy agrees with you.

You’re going to love being a mom!

That baby is lucky to have you two as parents.

This is your baby. Do whatever you think is right.

You’re doing a wonderful job. 

You’re a natural.